Wake Up
by jm1681
Summary: After leaving Elfhelm, Guts waits for Casca to wake from her dream. Guts/Casca. Please Review.


_Hello once again, Berserk archive :)_

_Well, it's been a while since I've posted anything, and I've had this fic on my harddrive for close to, damn probably close to a year now. I always wanted to do more with it, but lately, I think the epic storytelling part of my brain has run away on me :( I never wrote that Witchblade/Berserk crossover I wanted to, but it's still in there. Some day I hope :)_

_Anyway, I call this piece 'Wake Up', and I still don't own Berserk ;)_

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><p>It had been days since they had left Elfhelm. Six days in fact since Guts carried Casca's limp and unconscious body away from that haven, and back into their personal hell. The king in Elfhelm was thought to have a cure for Casca; something that might bring her back from her constant state of dreams. As it had turned out, the king of the elves was more than willing to supply the supposed cure. A potion that would make her sleep for seven days, cleansing her mind, and imbuing her with the strength she needed to wake from her perpetual dream.<p>

While Guts knew he was damning the woman he loved to be sober and conscious of the atrocities that surrounded their branded bodies, he had come so far for her. The Skull Knight had warned that wherever Casca was, whatever dream now offered her a home; she may have not wished to wake from it. Guts knew it, but in the three years since that fateful day, his need, his longing just to hear her voice, to gaze upon her enchanting eyes and see them filled with life and love once more; it was just too great. He needed her more than the air he breathed, and far more than the blood he bled. He was nothing without her, and the emptiness that consumed him those three years, the never-ending temptation to take her any way he could; he needed to rid himself of it.

Ever since he had almost given into temptation, since he had pushed her even further away, every night, Guts dreamt the same dream. Through the demonic visions, and sounds still echoing from that horrid moment in hell, he saw her. Saw her as he had their first night together. Simply laying opposite one another in the woods, their bodies warm, and intertwined in the moonlight.

"_Black eyes," _he thought as he sat beside her in their tent. His good eye respectfully gazed upon her clothed and covered form, eventually settling on her face, _"Beautiful black eyes."_ He had laid her down on her back, sure to allow his eye to take in every detail, every subtlety of her beautiful face. Her hair had grown so long after so many years away, her muscle was all but gone, and she was left with nothing but the body of a woman, a body she once told him she never chose.

He smiled for a moment, before letting out a light sigh as he looked away from her. Patience was a virtue Guts didn't know well, and almost as much as he longed to have her back, he wished for the night to end, so the next day could begin.

Would she wake in the morning? Would she wake the following night? Would she wake at all? His mind raced with these questions and more as he sat there. His eye descended to the gargantuan slab of steel at his side, tempted to take up the blade, even if just to pass the time. He quietly shifted his body to reach for the mammoth weapon, only to be reminded that he would lift it with just one arm. The thought merely fueled his rage and impatience as his good hand wrapped the Dragon Slayer's hilt.

Then, just as he shifted his leg, just as he was about to stand and make his way into the night, it began.

A crack, an echo, perhaps just a light coo of discomfort emanated from Casca's lips, bringing Guts' drawn out motions to cease immediately. Her form hadn't shifted or moved an inch since he had set her down six days ago, yet as he looked over to her, he found she had curled onto her side. He gently lowered the blade back to the earth, and quietly stepped over to her. She had turned towards where he had been seated, and her hair had fallen onto her face in the process. He knelt beside her, noticing only now that she was shivering ever so slightly. Without a thought he removed his cloak, and placed it atop her existing blanket.

The vague hint of a smile he saw on her lips could have been entirely in his mind. Perhaps he had just wished it so hard that his mind made its image real. His good hand hesitantly descended to her face, his callused fingertips gently sliding the few strands of hair from her cheek. It was in that moment that her smile seemed to grow further. His eye widened slightly as his lungs sharply pulled in a breath; her smile was real. His instincts begged him to retreat, and his body instantly obliged. He had no idea what to expect from her after all these years, after all that had happened, but with that simple gesture of her lips, his thoughts were completely blank.

He remained completely still as he watched her slumber; first for a second, then for a minute, and then an hour. As the sun came over the horizon, Guts' breathing had become staccato and shallow, hyperventilating as he waited for even the slightest movement. If he had known what was to come, perhaps he wouldn't have wished as hard for her to wake.

Casca's body suddenly jerked as her memories seeped back into her veins, again causing Guts to flinch and gasp. The memory of her parents, so deep and buried in her, yet she saw their faces clear as day. The memory of the man who took her from them; the man who paid her father top dollar for her innocence. Then; him. His platinum hair and brow, his words echoing as clearly in her mind as the day he spoke them, _"If you have something to defend, then take up the sword."_

Her body shuddered again as her first memory of Guts entered her mind. How he stood over her, nothing more than a monster, fully prepared to end her in a single blow. Again her body jerked to the side, and finally Guts spoke, "Casca?"

She offered no response, her eyes still tightly closed as she continued to endure her memories. She remembered waking to find Guts opposite her in that cave. She remembered how he fought off a hundred men so that she might escape with her life. She remembered his words as he spat them at her, _"Is this where you want to die?" _Her body shook more and more violently, and finally, Guts could bare no more of the sight. He cautiously made his way over to her convulsing form and with the utmost delicacy, placed his hand on her shoulder in an effort to steady her. She remembered the warmth of his touch that night they spent together, the comfort and security of his embrace as they lay in the grass.

"Casca?" Guts again begged. His tone filled with urgency as he spoke, "Casca please…"

Then, the true nightmare began.

Casca's eyes shattered open and she forced a coarse, dry scream from her lips. Guts' eye opened wide and he continued to apply only as much pressure as necessary in order to keep her still. "Casca it's me!" He shouted. "It's Guts!"

She may have heard his words, but the influx of memories was too great. They completely overwhelmed her, now remembering the sight of the man she once admired so highly, broken and nearer to death than she'd ever dreamt of him as he sat in that river, the moon overtaking the sun behind him. Then red; red as far as she could see in any direction. She had felt the presence of death on the battlefield countless times, but in that moment, as those cold and lifeless faces surrounded her and her men on all sides, she knew death was far closer than it had ever been.

"Casca!" Guts shouted.

Her single panicked screech had turned into an uncontrollable howl as she screamed, as though she were in unheard of pain. She remembered Griffith's hands on her body. She remembered how helpless she was in the grasp of that monster, how helpless even Guts was in that hellish abyss. She could hear her lover screaming for her. She could hear the overwhelming agony and hatred in him as he roared her name. She could hear the sound of Guts hacking away his own flesh as Griffith ravaged her.

The only thing she could not hear until that moment was her own voice. The screams she undoubtedly cried as Guts was forced to watch. Then, almost like a voice in the back of her mind as she relived that horrendous moment, she heard Guts' plea, _"Please, Casca! Wake up dammit!"_

Her eyes burst open as the vile act came to a close, and finally she heard the sound of her own voice once more. The sound of the shriek that passed over her lips as he ruined her so completely. The sound of her voice as she cried out in the dream, and at his side, "GUTS!"

Just like that, her writhing, her screaming, her mental anguish came to an end. Her body relaxed against the earth, her unblinking eyes focused on the valley of the tent above her, though she could _just_ see Guts out of the corner of her eye. Even relegated to the very corner of her sight, she could see the look of fear on his face as he stared into her lovely black depths. She could hear him as he quietly beckoned her, "Casca?"

Slowly, her head rolled on the makeshift pillow beneath her long and wavy locks, her eyes remaining straight on, until they locked with Guts. She was silent, but alert and aware of her mind and of her thoughts. Her eyes filled with tears, and she could feel it in her heart; she was home.

Complete and total silence permeated their tent as Guts waited for her. Studying and watching her so intently, he felt his heart rate escalate as she blinked, then opened her lips. "Gu…" she quietly tried, the simple pronunciation coming out as more of a cough. "Gu…Guts?" She whispered with waver in her tone.

While Guts said nothing, the sight of a single stray tear sliding down her cheek, brought him to hastily reach out and delicately catch it with his fingertip. After gently wiping the tear back to her glazed over eyes, he smiled just slightly as he spoke, his mind a mess of emotion, "Casca."

"Guts," she firmly stated, almost as if to reassure herself whom she was looking at. His soft smile grew ever so slightly wider and finally, Casca pushed herself upright and tightly wrapped her arms around his large form. Her tears were far too many for him to catch as she choked out his name once more, "Guts!"

He carefully returned the embrace; cautious to never offer her body any manner of touch that might bring what had happened to her back into her mind. Unfortunately, there was no way for him to know what she was feeling, or what she was going through in that moment. He had waited so long to have her back, to simply have her in his arms once more. To feel her touch, hear her voice, get lost in the warmth of her embrace. But as was the way of life, this moment of pure bliss would never last long.

"I can feel him!" Was the first thing she cried. Her lover's lone eye widened in terror, as she continued, "I can feel him, Guts! I can feel his hands all over me, I can feel his lips on mine, I can feel him inside…" She said nothing more and she didn't have to; the pain and intensity of her tears told everything.

"_Griffith," _Guts growled. His eye narrowed, instantly and completely filled with hate, but through the din of screams that filled his thoughts, he heard her. He heard the sounds her broken voice made as she wept, calling to him, bringing him back to her. Every bit as greatly as he had wished for her back, he wished for the strength and the words to comfort her. His hate stricken eye fell shut under its own weight, and slowly he slid his hand from the middle of her back, to the base of her neck. He had almost forgotten how magnificent her soft olive skin felt beneath his fingertips. His hand continued beneath her dark strands, delicately holding her as she wept.

Casca's cries seemed to slow as she too reveled in the delicacy of his touch. At the sound of her fading tears, Guts' eye slowly opened, the hate in it all but erased as he softly spoke, "Shhhh…" She pulled away from him, allowing her tear-riddled eyes to meet his eye. Her quivering hands came over his scarred face, just barely grazing over the vacant socket where his right eye once was. Guts closed his eye, simply taking the moment to enjoy the warm and caring touch of her soft hands. Her calluses were long gone, leaving her fingertips as soft as silk on his skin. Her hands gently resting on his cheeks, Guts opened his eye, though he remained silent. Her eyes slowly ventured down to his mutilated arm, and she let out a heavy, wet sob. Her right hand slid down the mangled appendage, stopping just short of the point at which he had severed the limb. Her fingers pulled away slightly, flexing in discomfort as she cried, "Look what they did to you!"

It was the wrong thing to do, he almost always did the wrong thing, but he couldn't help but smile. Taking notice of the look on his face, Casca wasted no time yelling at him through her tears, "How could you be smiling?"

"_I_ did this, Casca," Guts softly replied.

She barely flinched at what he had told her as she asked, "What?"

"It was the only way I could get free, for me to get closer to you; to try and stop him…" Though he overflowed with hate, his words were almost calm in the tone he spoke them. He had been through that moment so many times; he had no more hate to offer these words.

For the first time since she'd been awake, even with an ocean of tears on her cheeks, Casca's lips formed a smile, "You always bleed for me, Guts." Her hand again found his face as she spoke, "So many scars, for me. But, after…" He could hear it in her tone, and see it in her actions; she was becoming clearer by the second. Casca was the strongest woman Guts had ever known. However, while the tonic they had received in Elfhelm had woken her from her dream, the repercussions of what had happened to her were still there for her to feel. She looked away from him, in shame of her desecrated body as she completed her thought, "…there's not much of me left that's worth your blood."

"What?" Guts asked, his anger at what she said lost in his calm tone. Casca failed to repeat herself, and finally Guts' temper flared, "How could you say that? Ever since…" Even though he was more than a little upset, he collected his thoughts and watched his words, "…you, the thought of you, of bringing you back; it's the only thing that's kept me going all these years."

While her trembling had settled, Casca's eyes continued to rain tears of pain as she spoke, "Guts-"

"Everything I've done, I've done for you, Casca," Guts interrupted.

"Why?" Casca asked. "Why would you still want me after-"

"Because I love you, dammit!" Guts shouted, finally failing to keep his temper under control. Casca's eyes opened wide, a deep gasp pulled into her lips as Guts continued, "Because every night I fall asleep dreaming of you. Every day I wake for you and you alone. You're the only thing that's ever given my life meaning."

Then, as if not a moment in their lives had passed, Casca's gaze became so completely familiar. That doe-eyed expression of surprise as her emotions stirred. She remembered as he said it, that until she had found love for him, her life too had lost its purpose. She had supported Griffith's dream without fail for years, desperate and unfailing in her efforts to repay her debt to him; but that was not love, and it was not life. In her quest to help Griffith realize _his_ dream, she had never given a moment's thought into what she truly would have desired for herself. Throughout his time with the Hawks, Guts changed that. Showed her that there could be more to life; that they could lead lives that didn't require the dreams of others. As fate would have it, Guts and Casca _were_ each other's dreams.

Casca's strength boiled to the surface, ceasing her tears, softening her tense brow, and coercing a faint smile through her lips. He saw the wave pour over her, and before he could speak, she again tightly wrapped her arms around him. She was smiling of her own volition, finally realizing after all her years, the dream she wished. The dream that saw her and Guts in each other's arms till the end of their days, no matter how soon that end may come.

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><p><em>And that does it for this one. If you made it this far, I hope you enjoyed it :)<em>

_For some reason, when I wrote this, I remember reading it and hearing it in my head, narrated by Casca's English voice actress. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing, but it felt pretty good as I was writing it. Hopefully my gut didn't let me down on this one ;)_

_Thanks for reading,_  
><em>-jm<em>

_P.S. Berserk movie in 2012! WOOT WOOT! _


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